try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
