you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
