Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
