not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
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Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
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