WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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