Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ugly people sure do ruin things
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
