as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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