Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
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i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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