I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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