Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
