I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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