the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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