I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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