My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he puts the penis in happiness.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
