and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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