I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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