i think my tv is drunk
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm having to shit out rocks
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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