it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
