dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
