2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
