this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
