when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
