I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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