I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
