For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
