Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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