That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
