Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
