he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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