i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
