accomplished twins. life is a go
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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