Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
