dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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