i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
