By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
