im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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