Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
someone owes me an orgasm
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
