The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
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You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
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I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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