What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
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just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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