i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
