Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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