What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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