i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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