only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
