The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
