Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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