Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
