barbara walters just said penis...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
