i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
