im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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