who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
