You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
