Plan B is the new Plan A
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
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Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
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Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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