i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
