remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same