definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating