so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.