every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
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That accounts for only three of the penises
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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