heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
