u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
