Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
