is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
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ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
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I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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