i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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