you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
