it wasn't lemon gatorade
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
