6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
