she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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